Chapter 1 Part 3 - Revised

  

    Skye opened the door to the SUV and climbed into the drivers’ seat and her heart felt like it was going to bust through her chest. In only a few short hours she had gone through and emotional roller coaster that made her want to throw up when everything stopped. She had a feeling that this would never stop. Looking at Deacon’s things and his face in his children was killing her slowly. She tried to calm herself down and took deep breaths. It was all too much…too much at once and her palms got sweaty and began to twitch.

    She turned on the stereo in an attempt to distract her mind before she reached full panic attack mode. Something that she had never had happen until Deacon died, but now they seemed so familiar that if she caught it in time sometimes she could breathe her way out of it. Or try to since the worry and the memories were always right under the surface waiting to bubble over. With each deep breathe she felt a little better. The twitching began to subside, the sweating stopped but her heart still hammered in her chest like a drummer preforming a heavy solo.

    She continued to breathe in slowly and deep and felt her heart finally begin to slow down. As soon as she felt steady she turned the key in the ignition and started the truck. She felt it rumble to life beneath her and she calmed down further. As she let out her final exhale Kona’s wet nose touched her ear and she screamed as his monster of a paw touched her shoulder. “Jesus Kona! Are you trying to give me the heart attack that I just staved off or what?” His big eyes merely slow blinked at her and he put his paw down to resume his position on his blanket. She gave herself one last look in the rear view mirror at herself to make sure she was good to go and pressed the button to open the garage door.

    Once clear or the door she slowly backed out of the garage and came to a stop when she saw her neighbour Leigh standing directly behind the truck and being close to tears. She walked around to the driver’s side as Skye rolled the window down and she saw that Leigh was still in her pyjamas.

   “What’s wrong?” Skye asked with serious concern. Leigh cleared her throat and said    “Marcus is an ass…as usual” she paused before continuing “He’s trying to tell me that I won’t get my back child support unless I come to his parole hearing!”

   Skye understood her dilemma and felt bad that she had to run off because she wanted to but couldn’t help her with this right now. “I tell you what…”  Skye offered “I have an appointment right now that I’m going to be late for if I don’t get moving but, how about I pick you up after I’m done and you can come to the trade fair with me and Anna?”

    Leigh looked like she was weighing her options for a moment and then nodded, the tears staved off for now. “Ok, I’ll go get ready and call me when you’re on your way”

    Skye smiled at her and spoke to her gently. “Don’t you worry about Marcus he’s a lifer and his money is no good anyway.” Leigh’s gaze dropped to the ground. “We will figure it out, even if we have to move you and your brood into my house,” Leigh smiled and looked calmer at that thought. Skye realized that this was a really shit day so far and something had to come along and make it better somehow. In her head she prayed that it would.

    Leigh stepped back and gave and gave Skye a wave that signified she was allowed to leave and Skye happily returned it. Leigh had two kids of her own that she had with a go absolutely nowhere guy who used her and beat her up until he ended up in jail on a drug trafficking charge. Apparently he was about to come up for parole soon and this would be bad for her because he would just impose himself into her life again with no consideration for his children at all.

    Marcus and Skye had previous altercations in the course of his life with Leigh and many fights were had over the way he treats his wife. He never backed down and Skye had no problems telling his exactly what she thought of him. On more than one occasion he tried to break down Skye’s door and every time he tried Deacon wasn’t there. It’s like he waited for him to leave specifically so he could try and scare Skye…he never did. She never called the cops because Leigh hated them and refused to have any involvement with them which still baffled her when she thought about it and she swore she’d find out one day why that was.

    Skye refocused, finally pulled out into the street and started her journey to the bank even as her nerves tried to take over but she distracted herself with positive thoughts until… she realized that she was acting like someone she didn’t know. Skye always expected the worst and sometimes it would happen but no matter how good things were she knew firsthand that bad things happen and despite the good and bad thoughts battling around in her head she knew that she had to find a way to take care of this.

    There were options, some that Skye really didn’t want to utilize but still she had some choices. She had met Deacon under some sticky circumstances and never looked back.

   Now she would have to haul ass if she was going to make it on time for this appointment and considering how important this was she should have made a better effort at it but any way you slice it at least she would have her friends and her kids to help her stay grounded.

   As Skye drove to the end of her street and stopped at the stop sign she put on her sunglasses and cranked the stereo when she heard Bif Nakeds “I Love Myself Today” come on over the speakers. She made a left turn and the intersection to head downtown and get this nightmare over with. She drove past the cute houses street by street until they turned into more rundown and broken apartments with bars on the windows, graffiti on the walls and the yellow dormant grass begging to be watered just before you hit the downtown core.

 They never used to be like that but then everything was new once wasn’t it?

    Skye could see the bank up ahead and took the right into the parking lot with a little too much speed almost ended up over shooting the lot right into oncoming traffic. She tried to over correct and the car in front of her honked repeatedly and she promptly gave him the finger just before she shifted over and re-entered the parking lot. He must have been mad that he had just spilled his overpriced coffee all over himself.

   She got herself under control and found a nice shady spot to park. It wasn’t hot out yet so she left the windows about halfway down for the dogs and filled the water dish she had for them with a bottle of water she had brought with her before she gathered herself together to go into the bank and get this nightmare over with. She had already resigned herself to just trying to stay composed and at least appear confident but had this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that things were just not going to turn out the way she hoped they would and in that case she would have to keep herself in check before she ended up just telling the guy to fuck off and screwing everything up for sure.

    With a deep breath she locked the truck, smiled at Kona and Angel then headed for the door.

   

Chapter 1 Part 2 - Revised

    

     Continuing to turn the pages slowly, the sketch of Deacon seems to fade and once dark pencil lines get lighter and lighter, like he's disappearing. As she turned them she noticed that the figure in the corner has moves closer to the family, specifically Deacon. With her eyebrows knitted, she tried to process what she was seeing. She even flipped backwards a couple of times and looked at them again.  On the last page that Kyra had drawn on, Deacon is completely gone and so is the shadowy figure.

    She didn't even hazard a guess at what it meant but the feeling that weighed heavy in her mind and heart told her this wasn't a good thing. She would have to get Kyra a therapist and make her go if everything worked out with the bank. She would get her daughter the help she needed so that she could laugh and live. Have as full a life as she could after this trauma.

    With her throat threatening to close, she put the sketchbook back where she found it and turned to walk away. She took one step, then another and felt the tears start welling up as her throat made good on it’s threat and she choked up.

    “Shake it off Skye,” she told herself “There is no time for this.”

    Kona startled her with a bark and as she tried to catch her breath the tears stopped and she smiled. She looked at the dog with her hand covering her heart. “Oh you always know what to say to make me feel better.” When Skye looked at the clock on the nightstand and realized I only had just over an hour to get ready for her appointment and she hadn’t even showered yet she got her butt moving  and rushed to the linen closet to get a towel.

   She glanced behind her at the sketchbook as it sat on the bed with its deep brown leather cover, the reminder of what she saw began to cut deep again. Skye swore right there to fix what was broken if it was the last thing she ever did.  She knew that she had to make things better and show them all that they could make it without their father, not like they had much of a choice anyway. Skye shook her head almost violently and told herself again to snap out of it, she had things to do.

   Before she finally got into the shower she cranked the tap over to as hot as she could stand it and put her hand under the stream. Once it felt right she stripped off her clothes and stepped under the spray. She relaxed almost immediately when the hot water cascaded down her back. It felt like it could wash everything away for just a moment and as much as she wished she could stay in there for an exceptionally long 45 minute shower, she had to get a move on and get herself dressed. She soaped up, washed her hair and gave herself a good scrub and then turned off the water and stepped out. After she wrapped the towel around herself she took another and towel blotted her hair while she wiped the steam off of the mirror.

    She looked at her reflection and practiced smiling for a quick second thinking she looked absolutely ridiculous while she did it.  As soon as she turned around Skye almost tripped over Angel. That dog didn’t care where you were as long as she could silently lay behind your feet in an effort to pretty much kill you when you tripped over her. This time she had motive as Skye realized she had completely forgotten to feed them this morning. Her scrambled brain was not helping her at all. With quick steps Skye crossed the distance to her room and quickly got dressed. She thought quickly that should really learn how to plan ahead, she had no idea what to wear to something like this because she was so used to just waiting until Deacon came home to tell her what happened. She threw open the closet door and looked dismal. “I should have asked Leigh to help me.” It’s too late now.

    Finally after throwing several business looking like items around on her bed and on the floor she decide to go with the route that is her, black jeans, a nice blue blouse and light black jacket. It may not be what typical people would wear to a meeting with a loan officer but then again she’s not typical and she gave up caring as her frustration rose.

    Dressed, keys, travel mug in hand and heading for the front door Skye’s cell phone rings like clockwork… and it’s Anna. “Good Morning Sunshine!” she chimes, Skye can almost feel her beaming. Anna is not always this happy but when she is, it kind of makes her want to gag a little when she’s so chipper. “Hey Anna, did you put a bit of whiskey in your coffee this morning?”  She said. After a sarcastic laugh “Ha ha ha, you wish I did then I’d be too tired to drive you crazy while we shop today.”

    That is exactly what Anna would do today all the while nodding and smiling, “Well then at least you couldn’t talk me into buying some new amateurs’ work that looks like it was done by a five year old on a skittle high.” Now Anna laughed hard, “Yes Skye, but he’d have to be cute too!” Despite how much Skye bugs Anna about the way she acts around people, she is amazing and when she sets her mind to it Anna could con a con artist into giving her what she wanted at the price she wanted just by batting her big green eyes at them. Men and women react to her presence in a way Skye wished she could bottle and market somehow.

   Anna has no fear and cares deeply for those around her with a strength that Skye had to draw from before, and the last thing a person would want is to be on her bad side. She doesn’t forgive or forget and she could hold one hell of a grudge.

    Skye must have drifted again because Anna had noticed the pause and asked, “Are you ok?” That snapped Skye out of her haze and she replied “No… I’m fine but I’ll be a little bit late to pick you up,” with pause she added “I have an appointment with the bank.” She could hear the concern in Anna’s silence. “Are you sure? Is everything ok? I know it’s been tough.” The questions came funneling out very quickly Skye couldn’t keep up with them and she didn’t want to drag Anna into my problem just in case there wasn’t one.

   “I’m just going to see if I can rearrange a few things… you know to try and make it easier.”  Skye heard Anna let out her breath “Oh… ok well if you need me…need me at all you give me a call ok?” Skye smiled despite herself and answered her with a sincere thank you.

    “I’ll pick you up there after I’m done. It shouldn’t be too long.” Skye reassured her and with a kiss kiss noise Anna was gone and Skye could continue the painful task of speaking to a man in a suit about the future of her livelihood. “Angel, Kona, let go for a car ride!” I heard the thunder coming down the stairs towards me and they both came running. Kona stopped in front of me and sat down while Angel nudged her head into my leg until I opened the door to the garage.

    She walked around to the back of her Dodge Durango and opened the door for the dogs to get in. With no trouble Kona jumped in and settled on top of their blanket. Angel had some trouble since she was a tad over weight and snorted life a bull as she tried to get herself into the vehicle. In the end Skye had to help her by lifting the pit bulls back end up. Angel waddled over to Kona and lay next to him surely with hopes of taking off to the river for a run after Skye’s errands were done. She closed the back door of the truck and as she turned to get in the driver’s side she looked as she always did at the other stall in the two car garage that was housing a vehicle with grey car cover holding a memory that she was not willing to have surface yet and felt her throat start to close up… again. “Oh god, not again and really not now.” she told herself not wanting to wreck any of the makeup she was wearing and that wasn’t a lot just to show up at the bank with red puffy eyes. Although that might not be a bad idea in order to get a sympathy vote to extend the loan.

Chapter 1 Part 1- Revised

    “Come on mom just 10 more minutes.” Cyrus whined from under the pillow, “Why do I have to be up this early?” Standing in his doorway, coffee mug in one hand and the other on her hip she lead in to the everyday argument that she had with have with her oldest son.

   “Cy, you don’t get up that's the problem with this little scenario. Let’s go, your sisters need to be woken up too.” Just as the words come out of her mouth she felt Savannah’s arms around her waist.

“Morning mommy…” she says with a wide yawn, “can I have waffles for breakfast?”

   With a last chance glance at Cyrus she replied. “Of course you can have waffles for breakfast. Can you make sure your brother gets out of bed?” The little girls eyes lit up. “I can get him up Mama!” That is all that she needs to take off into a run and with her tiny legs pumping Savannah takes a big leap into the air. While in flight she tucks her knees to her chest in a cannonball position and lands on Cyrus with a grunt. Skye could audibly hear the air being forced out of his lungs.

   “Get off me you little bug! I can’t breathe!” He screams breathlessly as he lurches up grabs the covers from around his head and wraps Savannah in his blanket. “Ewwww…” she screams combined with a giggle, “it smells like feet!”

   A content feeling fills Skye and she turned to walk away. A smile smile graces her features as she's heading downstairs to make waffles. She can see Kyra leaning in her doorway with her arms folded loosely across her chest, the look on her face is not a happy one but without a word she took 2 steps back, retreated into her room and quietly shut the door. Skye's heart breaks at that moment, as tough as Kyra has been through everything Skye didn't think that she would ever be the same.

   She didn't know if she would be able to crack that wall that Kyra had up around her, but everyday she hoped that she could remove one brick at a time so that her oldest daughter could be a kid again and not have to worry about adult things anymore.

   She had to admit it… she checked out of her parental duties for about 2 weeks after she was called to the hospital and had to ID Deacons body at the morgue. Thank god for Anna and Leigh to help her and the kids get through everything. Kyra had stepped up and took charge with Savannah but she needed to realize that she didn’t need to worry anymore and it was OK for her to be normal again, well whatever normal was going to be now.

   She headed downstairs to make the waffles and get the kids off to school before she went to the shop to open... up at least that's what the kids think.

   Downstairs Skye watched her kids’ converse and do their daily run around the house to make sure they had everything they needed for school. Kyra didn’t say anything as usual but at least she mumbled a little when she said goodbye to her mother. With good communication between Skye and Kyra's teacher she knew that Kyra would be a little late getting home because she had an art project she was working on.

   When the last kid was out the door Skye rushed upstairs to take a shower and get ready to go to the bank her real appointment and then meet Anna before they head out to look for some deals to add inventory to the antique store. Odd n Ends was the name of the shop she owned full of rare and also everyday items that they would find around at flea markets and trade shows sometimes though they sell items either charge too little depending on how much we have and how much we want to haggle.

First is the appointment with the bank she's had since Deacon died and she needed an extension on the loan payment so that she could keep the shop open. It’s all they have left as income and without it they were screwed.

   She took the stairs in two’s with the dogs loping up behind her and stopped just short of Kyra’s bedroom door. Above her headboard there is a sketch of Deacon that she drew herself. “That’s one I haven’t seen…” she said to herself as she crossed the room. On Kyra's bed is a sketchbook, she has always been a good artist even at 12 yrs old, but this picture of him was amazing.

   You could see every line on his face, the curves along his jaw were so close to the way he looked that it made her heart ache. She reached across the bed and picked up the book with the thick leather cover. Deacon got it for Kyra for her last birthday and it was the only thing that she would draw in now. When she opened it and thumbed through the pages there were simple pictures drawn, birds, flowers and other natural things and as she turned each page there was a smile on her face and then she came to one that was of all of them together. There was only their heads on the paper, with smiling faces and no bodies but off on far edge of the page is a dark spot in the corner, shaded in by light scribbles and if she looked at it in a certain way it seemed like the scribbled lead lines had a figure in between the them. It throws out a vibe that seemed dark and dismal.

It looked... like it was waiting…

Waking - Revised

      SKYE AWAKENING

    …It’s bright… even with her eyes closed she can see how bright it is. Bursts of yellow explode behind her closed lids as the patterns swirl into muted orange tones that seem to dance. The sun reveals itself so early since Spring began. The ticking of the clock on the wall whispered quietly, the only thing in the silence she could just barely hear it but its rhythm seemed like it was almost in time with her heartbeat.   

   The window was open slightly so she could just smell the dew, how sweet it smelled with the moisture mixed with the smell of the grass so tempting to just inhale deeply and continue sleeping but it was too bright.

    Skye slowly willed her eyes to open as the thought of getting out of her nice warm bed fought with her brain to keep them closed and snuggle back up with the covers over her head to block out the light.

  “Damn, I need new, darker curtains…” she mumbled into her pillow.

   For a moment, she forgot that she was alone in bed… again. Just as her thoughts are wandering back to reality from the fuzzy edges of sleep, a cold wet nose tickles her ear just as a warm even wetter tongue licked up the side of her face.

   Kona was almost as big as she was, his big icy blue eyes plead with her silently, “I guess that’s my cue, eh Moose?  Is it that time?” she said softly to the large black and grey Husky. Kona wanted out.

She forced herself to sit up and fully open her eyes, she moved her head from left to right cracking her neck as she turned to see the sun beaming through the sheer curtains it was as if they were not there at all. Deacon had wanted them that way so that he could be up at first light to get the day started… Now he had no more days to start anymore, he would never see the light, smell the dew or wrap his loving arms around her again and she didn’t know if she would ever wake up in the morning without a gaping hole in her chest, vaguely thinking that he was there somewhere waiting for us to get up and see him in the kitchen making breakfast with his stupid ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron on. Her heart ached at the thought.

    Sitting quietly, she listened waiting to hear if there were any other noises are going on in the house …there was not a peep coming from anywhere else except from Kona’s muzzle as she snuffed and nudged at Skye to hurry her up and get her out of bed.

   Gently trying to motivate Skye, Kona began to become very impatient with her owner as the human continued to sit there and soak in the morning for as long as she could. To Kona as long as she could would mean a nice stripe of yellow down the side of her creamy bedspread if she took much longer. The big dog nudged Skye harder, stuck a tongue in her ear and then sat back on his haunches and chuffed as if to say “Look lady, who cares I have to pee!”

    Skye finally motivated herself to sit up and push the covers off. The chill hit her legs and she reached for her robe that was hanging off of the back of her headboard and Kona started to dance, now standing her back legs stayed planted and her front legs bounced from side to side. Skye swung her feet out of bed right into her slipper and wrapped the purple robe around her body pushing herself up into motion. With Kona prancing at her heels she stepped out into the hall only to have the smell of fresh coffee invade her senses as it came wafting up the stairs.

   She took a deep breath, “Thank god for auto timers” she mumbled quietly to Kona on the way down the hall. 

   As she passed by a slightly open door and she leaned forward and peeked into the room. She could see Cyrus in bed; face down with the blankets pulled all the way up over his head and his feet hanging out of the bottom just a touch over the end of the mattress.

   Cyrus was tall for the age of 15, with a medium build and dark brown hair that just reached the top of his shoulders he hadn’t even filled out yet and he was designed to be muscular but sleek. His shaggy brown locks fell into his eyes and prevented anyone from getting a good look at his face and he hadn’t cut his hair since his father died. All he continued to say when approached about getting a haircut was “It’s not a priority”. Words his father had used in a sentence so many times and almost every day.

   Skye ask him what was a priority and he would just smile at her and ask “What do you think?” with a twinkle in his eyes. Deacon would usually say it to get out of doing the mundane things that he wanted to put off, taking out the garbage, loading the dishwasher stuff to him that could wait. Maybe that was Cyrus’ way of keeping Deacon close to him. She stood in the doorway, trapped in the memory for a moment as she looked at the ball of fabric on the bed that covered her son and quickly decided that she wouldn’t wake him yet.

   The kids had a good half an hour before they needed to be up and get ready for school so she might as well let them enjoy it a little longer.

      With Kona at her side, she scanned the hall and leaned towards the railing. As she looked over the railing she scanned the lower floor for Angel. The dark brindled Pit-bull was nowhere to be found as usual. That dog would not get up out of her cozy soft bed for the sounds of familiar footsteps, but if a stranger were to enter the house she would not be so passive. Skye tried hard to step quietly downstairs while being careful to step over the weak board halfway down the staircase, her feet touched the landing and she could hear Angels collar with all of its tags jingle. Whenever she lifts her head it sounds like a key ring although she can’t see her yet Skye knows that Angel is double checking the noises she is hearing.

    Once Angel see and confirms that it’s her human, she lazily extends her front legs in an awkward stretch before forcing her hind legs to lift up her stocky muscular body and proceeds to give herself a brisk shake, shaking her head from side to side  to wake up.

   Passing by the sleepy dog to unlock the sliding back door, she reaches into a small box on the counter closest to the glass door. Inside is a pack of cigarettes and lighter that sits next to the phone and she prepared for her daily routine that consisted of 20 minutes of watching the dogs chase each other around the yard at top speed trying to knock each other over like a bulldozer before they do their business. Fishing a cigarette out of the package and scanning the backyard, she put the cigarette in her mouth, flicked the lighter then touched the flame to the end.  Skye took a long slow draw and inhaled deeply at that moment she thought that she should have gotten a coffee on her way through the kitchen to make this morning’s wake up perfectly complete…for now anyway.

    Nothing would ever be perfect again…

    She had to make her brain stop. Some thoughts were so simple like the coffee, the dogs and others she hated because it reminded her that she’s alone and the love of her life is gone leaving her to raise 3 kids, a house and a business to run without him. She almost hates him for it but it’s not his fault that he was taken away from her so early. It makes her angry for a split second and then she remembers her grief. He’s been gone 6 months and it still hurts like hell.

   She remembers having a conversation with Deacon one night in the same chair she’s sitting in now about how people see the world at first from a young age and how it changes so dramatically as we grow up. She remembers him saying that we see it the way our parents wanted us to but, as we grow up we see things the depending on events that have happened or change us in our lives. Good or bad they all shape us and our views. Everything was happy and bright when her family was whole but after that night in the bad side of town an junkie killed her husband for his wallet and his car nothing was bright anymore, the lights went out and she really didn’t know if it ever could be again.

    The only thing that kept her together is the kids and her closest friends constantly being there for them even when she couldn’t get out of bed. Sometimes it hurts Skye to look at Cyrus because he looks so much like his father. She sees Deacons eyes, his smile, and his mannerisms in him… it almost kills her some days and rips her heart right open but it keeps her strong at the same time.

    She can feel the tension building as she starts to think about the asshole that took her loves life and she tries to bury the intense murderous feeling that has been growing inside of her for these 6 months. That the case continues to go cold every day that they get no leads saddens her and makes her want to weep, but that tornado of feelings seems to melt away when she hear Cyrus’s alarm go off from his open window above her with an awful buzz and seconds later it stops.

   “Ahhh… the glorious snooze button,” she says with a sideways smile “too bad life doesn’t come with one of those.”